The shop’s shelves are filled with ropes, torches, lanterns, oil and just about everything else. In one corner, a small man wearing eyeglasses is standing at a podium, scrupulously transcribing something from one piece of parchment to another. When he hears the door bell, he lifts his head and asks: “How can I help you?”
This shop seems to offer everything you might wish for. Travel equipment is lying next to tools for home and garden, between other items whose purpose you can’t even guess at. An old woman comes limping through a side door and cackles: “Welcome to my little paradise. What are you looking for?”
Cabinets, baskets, hooks and chests are laden with all sorts of things for daily use, plus a lot of useless junk. A man who looks just as dusty as the ‘ship in a bottle’ sitting on the counter next to him, looks you over and says:
“I’m sure I have just what you’re looking for. What is it, by the way?”
The shop seems to be empty, when you enter. After a while, a woman appears behind a large mound of fabric bales. She looks at you with open curiosity. “You’re just passing through, aren’t you? I’ve got everything travelers need. Just tell me, what you want.”
“I wonder whether we’ll find anything of use here.”
“Well, we’re not looking for junk.”
“Haven’t you got anything but junk here?”
“I can hardly imagine finding anything here.”
“What’s it worth to you?”
“You curious or are you looking to make a buck?”
“Why should we tell you?”
“Do you have to know?”
“The gods be with you, joy of Phex.”
“We greet you, trader.”
“And a beautiful day to you, too.”
“May the gods grant you profit.”
“Don’t say that, honorable travelers. My displays may not look impressive, but whatever you need, you’ll find. It will at most take a little time.”
“You judge too soon. There’s not much this little shop cannot offer.”
“You do me wrong, strangers. My shop is first class. It just may not appear that way at first glance.”
“You shouldn’t judge by your first impression. There may be shops that look better than this, but I doubt very much that they could fulfill your wishes as well as this one can.”
“No, we won’t find anything useful here.”
“This is definitely the wrong place.”
“All I can see is junk.”
“It’s all worthless junk lying about here.”
“All right, surprise us.”
“All right, we shall see.”
“Well, what have you got then?”
“I can hardly believe that, but we’ll see.”
“We’d love to be convinced.”
“We’ll certainly give it a try.”
“I’m sure you are right.”
“Why don’t we just try that then?”
“You are a funny lot. You do want to buy something, don’t you?”
“Quite right, why be serious all the time? But you do need something, don’t you?”
“Maybe a little discount might loosen your tongues? You were planning on buying something?”
“Might I be able to pry your secret out by offering you a good deal? You did come here to part with some money, didn’t you?”
“What would we want to buy from that lot?”
“You really think anything here would tempt us?”
“You mean there’s more where that junk came from?”
“You think anything here could interest us?”
“That depends on your offer.”
“Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“We’re interested in what you can show us.”
“Let’s just wait and see, shall we?”
“But of course we do.”
“Would you believe that’s what we came for?”
“I guess we can’t resist that.”
“We were planning to.”
“Oh, what courteous and educated customers. Please excuse my oversight and accept my most gracious welcome.”
“I do beg your pardon, how could I have forgotten. The gods be with you, honored customers.”
“How rude of me. I call the blessing of the gods down on you, travelers.”
“How could i? Courtesy should be the cornerstone of any business, don’t you think? My most deeply felt welcome and the very best to you too, strangers.”
“Yeah, forget it.”
“By now, you could have let go.”
“A bit late, peasant.”
“Seems you need a reminder to behave as you should.”
“We could go on like this forever, couldn’t we?”
“Well, that’s much better, don’t you think?”
“What took you so long?”
“Don’t you think that’s nice?”
“Thank you very much, and the best to you too.”
“May the gods shower you with their mercy.”
“Thank you for your good wishes.”
“You honor us too highly.”
“Wait, where are you going? I haven’t shown you half of it! Hello!…”
“Don’t leave so soon! I’m absolutely certain, I can…”
“Why the haste, strangers? Believe me, I have a lot of useful things here, and some of them are sure to fit your…”
“But why are you leaving so soon? At least take a look, before you make a decision! You don’t know what I’ve got left in store for you…”
“Thank you, you will not be disappointed!”
“Thank you for your confidence. I assure you, it is not in vain.”
“You have every reason to be curious. Just you wait and see!”
“Just leave everything to me. I promise, you won’t regret it.”
“I knew right away, you’re clever and know the value of good merchandise.”
“I took one look at you and saw you’re not as stupid as those peasants around here.”
“So! My instinct hasn’t steered me wrong! You couldn’t let a prime opportunity like this pass without taking advantage of it.”
“It is a true pleasure to have such wise customers, instead of all the idiots running around here.”
“Boy, you’re easy to fool.”
“A pity they aren’t all as simple as you.”
“I bet everybody takes you to the cleaners.”
“You really are a pitiful dimwit.”
“That’s what makes us heroes.”
“That’s exactly what makes us different.”
“You obviously recognize personalities.”
“So you noticed we are special.”
“You do us far too much honor.”
“Thank you very much, pinnacle of your trade.”
“You shame us.”
“Good gods, we don’t deserve that!”
“But of course there is something here for you! I keep on telling you! Don’t you believe me?”
“Phex be with me! How can I convince you, if you won’t even look?”
“You really know how to make life difficult for people. I’m sure you would change your mind, if you just took a closer look. Would you, please?”
“I am begging you, honored strangers, to at least cast a glance at my wares! How else am I to convince you I didn’t exaggerate?”
“Certainly not!”
“We wouldn’t touch your junk!”
“What could possess us to do that?”
“Don’t you understand? We don’t want to!”
“All right then, just so you’ll be satisfied.”
“Well, o.k., to make you calm down.”
“Let’s do it then, I’m getting tired of this.”
“For the gods’ sake, all right.”
“Certainly, since you are so sure of it.”
“Your energy has convinced us.”
“Now we’ve seen your enthusiasm, we’d love to.”
“How could we resist such sales talk?”
“I didn’t enrage you, did i? I could never forgive myself.”
“Forgive me, my mind was elsewhere. I hope you’re not angry with me.”
“I swear, it will not happen again. Please forgive my mistake.”
“Where was my head? It will never happen again, I promise!”
“Too late.”
“Our patience has reached an end.”
“Well, that’s it then, I guess.”
“I say we forget this place even exists.”
“If you keep whining, we might get angry.”
“I can’t stand whining!”
“Why is it that we always deal with such milkpuffs?”
“Aren’t there any normal folk around here?”
“All right, all right!”
“Get a hold of yourself!”
“We’re not going to eat you!”
“That’s enough! You’re grating on our nerves!”
“You’re quite right to insist on form. But there is a time and place for everything.”
“See, it’s very difficult to tell how a customer wants to be helped. Some put stock in formalities, others are in a hurry. But in the end it all boils down to what comes out the other end, as my father, the kale farmer, used to say.”
“Well, Phex moves in mysterious ways, and there are many paths that lead to the one goal.”
“Pardon me, I thought you were in a hurry.”
“I just can’t stand that person any longer.”
“This is impossible!”
“Who can understand that one?”
“Do we deserve that? No, we don’t!”
“Could we finally get down to business?”
“Dear gods, how difficult can shopping be?”
“Can we finally buy something, please!”
“Whatever you say.”
“True indeed.”
“You truly are a master of your trade.”
“Good merchants like yourself are hard to find.”
“You have no idea how right you are.”
“Well then, may the gods be with you.”
“You are a pleasure to the civilized world. May your business always run smoothly, and good luck on your way.”
“All the best for you, your offspring and theirs. May the gods smile on you from now on till the day you die.”
“I wish you a pleasant journey and all the best for the future. Have a nice day.”
“Are you special then? Maybe even dragon-slayers? You are? But you should have told me! I would have welcomed you quite differently!
and if you’d be so kind as to take a tip from such as me:
[NAME]”
“Oh, you are nobles? If only I had known! Surely, you are travelling on important political business. If you would deem to accept a tip from a mere commoner:
[NAME]”
“My good lords. Real heroes, with swords, in gleaming armor, on horses, out to vanquish evil! To think I have lived to see! Do me the honor and take this humble piece of advice from me:
[NAME]”
“Wait till I tell my poor old mother! I’m doing business with such strapping heroes! Please, listen to my advice. I’ll be able to tell everybody how I once helped real heroes:
[NAME]”
“Really? Oh, it’s marvelous to do business with you.”
“I am so glad I got a chance to make a deal with such as you just once.”
“Oh dear, but I am proud to deal with such as you!”
“You are a blessing in my old age! When I tell my friends how we dealt here today, they will go green with envy!”
“Well, I guess there’s nothing else to do about it.”
“If you are absolutely sure, I guess, it can’t be helped.”
“That’s a pity, but it’s your call.”
“Alright then, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
“Well then, let’s do what you came for.”
“Now, what exactly are you looking for?”
“Well, what can I offer you, honored customers?”
“Alright then, what are your wishes?”
“Yes, everybody to his ability. And what may I ask would that be?”
“Thank you. Now, how can I be of service?”
“It’s all practice. How could I put that to your service now?”
“That’s what I was trained for, after all. Now, how can I best show you what I can do? What will it be?”
“I knew I’d see you again! What can I do for you?”
“There’s no way around a well-stocked shop like mine. What are you looking for?”
“Yes, they all come back eventually. What is it you are looking for?”
“See? There’s nothing like a well-run business. I’m glad you found out after all. What are your wishes?”
“That’s the way it goes once you start talking, you forget eating. What exactly are you here for, anyway?”
“Yes, you get to talking and talking and forget the main thing. What do you need?”
“Dear me, with all my babble, I’ve completely forgotten to ask you what you want to buy. Do forgive me, it happens to me all the time. I remember perfectly, when I was dealing with this chap hicklick or something…
well now, I’m doing it again. What was it you wanted?”
“Now isn’t that a laugh? With all these formalities, we forgot all about buying something. But better late than never, I always say. What’ll it be?”
“Don’t say something like that. Rather, let’s see to your wishes.”
“Please, don’t be so hard with me. I’m doing the best I can, with you as with everybody. What do you want?”
“Give me a break, better tell me what you need.”
“Well, if you think so. But why don’t you tell me your wishes instead of insulting me.”